like a goalkeeper..

That's right, I FEEL LIKE A GOALKEEPER...

A goalkeeper doesn't get remembered for the great saves he made which were crucial in winning matches and/or championships...

They only get remembered for the howlers and blunders they make that cost a team the match and/or championships...

They not only have to live with the swearing of fans, the disappointment of his team-mates, the wrath of his manager who must have had to recover from something like a heart seizure after the blunder...

Ultimately, they'll have to deal with the guilt inside THEMSELVES(yes, the individual part..). Endless thoughts will go through within their head.."How did I commit such a howler?" , "It's not supposed to be like this"...

Following closely behind that, they'll start to question their own ability. "Was I right to come out for the ball?" , "Are my gloves dry enough so that the ball don't slip out?"...

Make another blunder from then on, and their career's finished, up until a manager who believes in him makes a bid for him and rescues him from obscurity, never mind if it's his own or the fans'

All the big and famous goal-keepers have had blunders before...Paul Robinson, David James, Fabian Barthez, David Seaman, Shay Given, Steve Harper and many, many more...

They've all had the backing of their managers and team-mates, or "backing" rather since these support only come in the form of media interviews, which we're not sure whether is the truth within the interviewee or not.

But regardless of that, how do they recover from the post-trauma stress and the guilt? They all come out saying "such things happen in football. I'm sorry for the fans who turned up, sorry to my team-mates and the team...I'll just have to pick myself up and carry on playing my game"...

I wonder if it's really that easy...

If it was, I wouldn't be typing out this blog posting already...

I've f*cked up big-time, somewhat like a goalkeeper blunder...only worst...

And it sucks to be in this position, of uncertainty and self-doubt...

I'll give anything to write off this blunder from the face of the earth but apparently, it's not that easy..

People on the other side of the fence often remind detractors that if not for the many saves these outstanding goalkeepers made earlier, and very much likely in the future...the team would have been in deeper shit as compared to the game/championship which was just lost.

I just hope that there are enough people like these around me..cause' I really feel that 1 goalkeeping blunder and all your past glories, no matter the depth, are all thrown out the window.

I gave Paul Robinson a good lashing-out in my head and out to fellow England fans when he gave away that silly goal against Croatia.

I was freaking pissed when David Seaman let Ronaldinho's flop-cross of a free-kick lob over him and into the goal.

Guess what, Karma's returned for me, and it's a nasty one.

It's so hard to climb out of the cesspool of guilt. I just feel that I'm sinking with every breath I take, so much so that it'll only let go when I take my last breath.

Maybe that option will be a good one huh?

I close my eyes, it haunts me.

I walk, eat, drink, stone..it doesn't let go of me too...

Seems like dying is sometimes the best option for a few matters...