well i needed a title for this particular entry..and since im currently hooked on to Daniel's Powter's "Bad Day", as well as going through one myself(read below for further details..)...though to myself "might as well use that..but with a tad of change to it..=)"



haha..but well..how long has it been since the last update?*hmm*...about 1 month and 15 days to be exact?wow jeez..haha...this hiatus from blogging has been a chock-full period of that amount of time stated above..but sadly im still none the wiser, but still the same old crazy football fan u'll find around TP....

but hmm...good stuffs that happened this month deserves a shout out first...like for instance my beloved Newcastle United Football Club is FINALLY ON THE RISE again..haha..after a tumultuous start to the season, new record signing Michael Owen is starting to repay his 16mil. price tag by scoring 2 goals in 3 games to give us 7 points from 3 games(1 draw..2 CONSECUTIVE wins..as well as 2 clean sheets back-to-back..now how many times can Newcastle boast tt record?? =) )....and slowly with Emre Belozoglu, Kieron Dyer, Nobby Solano and Alberto Luque coming back to complement Scott Parker in the star-studded midfield- on paper at least- we Geordies can finally look forward to SERIOUSLY climbing up the table and reaching the top echelons of European football competition again...HOWAY THE LADS!!!!


moving on to a more personal part of me....football-wise after getting regular kickabouts under my belt at Bedok Futsal court as well as Farrer Park with the NUFC-SG team...i can finally proclaim that IM SLOWLY GETTIN BACK TO MY PERSONAL BEST IN TERMS OF FOOTBALLING SKILLS...in recent weeks i've been totally rusty- not being to dribble on the ball, spraying stray passes all over, and just not getting to grips with the pace of the game- due to lack of match practice as ive been heavily invovled with school work and TPSU work...but right now im slowly coming back and though im still not a dribblin wiz a la Ronaldinho or Cristiano Ronaldo or Toh De Yong (?)...hahah..but personally i feel good..and hopefully i can improve on it with the weeks of hols left to come....

and moving away from football..personally-wise me and Serene just celebrated 2 months of OFFICIALLY being together...we got together on Tuesday, 2 days after the official 2 months, to celebrate...and man..am i glad im celebrating it with her..and no one else..i just feel so complete with her lah..w/o her will be damn freakin weird...and yes im lookin forward to many more months with her..this is just the start of a long long long long journey....hee =)




but well...in life there has to be balance of good and bad things (arrgh i hate the balance man..it just f*ckin sucks..)...and as usual..there are bad things happneing in my life too(hey hey..im normal too man...like u guys n fans reading my blog...=) )


so far..there's only 1 bad thing to report about..and it is how im feeling AS OF RIGTH NOW(1.02am, Sept 30th 2005?..haha)...hmm funnily im suffering from a confidence crisis, a la Amdy Faye at Newcastle United...but his is footballing confidence, while mine is personal confidence....what triggered it off is that recently I found out that i might have unknowingly forced 1 of the people, within the close cirle of people i really care for a lot, to go along with something he/she/they might not have been ready for..and though i've got assurance that it's not the case..but somehow i still hate myself for tt..i mean i don't like to force people to do anything against their own wishes at any point of time as by doing that they'll b unhappy..n last thing i want is them being unhappy, especially this close cirle of people..so in the process i'd rather myself be unhappy if that is able to make them all happy....

haha..contradicting myself right?smhow i should feel good now as others are happy..but smhow i still feel like crap..i really do....sure things are still fine now...but i just cant help thinking "would things have been better if i hadn't 'forced'?".....sighz i really don't know.....how how how?

hmm...to add to that...there's the exclusive screening of GOAL!, the new soccer movie starring Kuno Becker as a budding Mexican boy who gets to live his dream of playing for a big soccer team when Newcastle United sign him up, organised by Golden Village for the NUFC-SG fanclub as our club is invovled in the movie...

good thing about this is that we're getting pre-screening as compared to the other Singaporeans as it opens on the 6th October officially(the fan-club was supposed to watch on this date too)...but GV shifted our group to 4th October for special preview...

but bad thing is..this shift of date has caused me to not be able to go with my intended partner...sure at first i felt it was ok..can only blame GV for changing dates so suddenly...but then i saw my mates from the fan-club, most of them bringing their close friends and galfriends n stuff....while im going alone or meeting up with Keegan n Kel and the rest at least....and then reality sinks in..i won't get to be going with close friends from outside or my GF or anyone else for tt matter

to add salt to my already-deeply-injured wound...there'll be media coverage of this special screening as ESPN and TNP will be there to cover this event and report on us....

sighz...now im not blaming my intended partner for not being able to make it for the movie..it's not her fault that her hands are tied behind her back and she cant go...tts why i blame myself (no surprise huh?haha..) again...people are right, maybe i am expecting too much from people around me that i neglect them...take this for instance...people cant come with me, so be it!!why shld they be trying to come up with reasons and stuff?

sighz..only consolation i can find to answer that question in my defence is that my intended partner for the movie just turns out to smone very very important to me now...and i'd have loved to enjoy this special moment, seeing my fav. club make it big around the world, with my fanclub mates as well as my intended partner...so yeah, am totally gutted that it turned out like that


but like i said above...cant blame my intended partner..only can blame GV(turns out unfair to blame them too)..and myself for expecting too much....sighz...i should shoot myself to death shouldn't i?im a really weurd person inside...think the CSI team will have big trouble post-mortem-ing me as they'll find weird shit within me..hah =x


but to sum up...

Is it just me being paranoid?
---MAYBE

Is it my fault and my fault only that i feel like this?
---MAYBE...hovering on the verge of YES

Is it the fault of those close to me (whether it be Ser,Tng,Xav,Keegan,Kel etc etc)
---HELL NOT!!..not a chance in hell.....


so yup people..after reading this...try to understand my plight..i just feel like crap now..and nt myself totally....will try very hard to be meself again...but i need time to be alone bah, i guess...only time alone can really give me a gd chance of exorcising these "demons" within me....confidence level is at a all-time low

so people if i don't sound right when i talk to u..give way abit..im still findin myself....

i won't avoid anyone right now..but i'll just sound damn weird..hah..i guess?



well....see what confidence can do to a normal human being?hahah....man,MIRACLES!!!



lucky Ser's not reading this now..or at least she won't be till when she gets back from her Neon chalet at least....let her enjoy the chalet first,took lots of persuading from alot of ppl for her to go, so cant afford to spoil her spirits...n she doesn't have to be sucked into this...hmm for that matter no one does..i gotta fight this myself..

but Ser...if u get to here...it's not your fault k sweetie? im sorry i broke ur promise...im nt tt ok now actually..you, and others are right....i do expect too much from others around me..as well as from myself....i just cant take it when others get hurt in the process..so i have to go sort myself out..period...




sighz...i've got no signing-off paragraph for this posting...too unconfident to write le...=x...or how bout this...i got cheated FOR THE 2ND TIME IN A ROW when i bought the pirated Nightwatch(Nochnoi Dozor) DVD from pirates..as 1st time i bought, English subtitles ran off suddenly, leaving me n my younger sister cursing our luck as it went off at the exciting part, and that the movie is in freakin Russian....

then found a 2nd pirate...who sells the same title, but with different packaging...thought to myself "eh...should be different le...WOOHOO!!can watch and complete arguably the foreign-movie-of-the-year le.."....then bought from the 2nd pirate, only to find out that it's actually the same batch of DVDs..and the subtitles goes off at the same timing!?!?!?!?....sheesh man...lucky i caught the pirate back..so i changed the 2nd NightWatch DVD i had with A Lot Like Love..as Ser wants to watch this movie so badly...so i got it for her....hope she'll b happy with it...=)


haha..call me an idiot for getting conned so easily..i don't care...judging from the deepness im stuck in the hole that i dug myself in...i think im starting to call meself names...=x


now how's that for a blog posting worthy of 1month and 15days....


im outta here..going to try n repair bridges i accidentally burned(Wenqi and Keegan..here i come..)...and going to try n exorcise the f*ckin demons within me..


wish me luck,....HOWAY THE LADS!!!